Transgender in the Modern Military: A Lesson in Class and Culture

"The financial cost of transition-related care, in short, is too low to matter."

Aaron Belkin
Caring for Our Transgender Troops

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Framing the Lesson

• Patriotism: x2 Higher Enrollment than % of Cisgender Population
• Veterans: Significant Number of Post-Military Transitions
• Legacy: Long History of Trans Service Persons

Debates around transgender in the military may arise from and may arouse forth a wide range of tangential discussions in a host of classrooms; on medicine, the military, law, government, and politics; on classism, sexism, homophobia, and disability. As an activist and consultant, I see how these conversations have direct effects on the present and future of thousands of transgender persons in the armed forces and countless people affected by the related politics. As a scholar of cultural studies, I see how this issue is inextricably tied to wider norms and problems related to gender, sexuality, class, race, religion, geography, and embodiment. As a historian, especially as a medievalist, I see how this issue is both very much of the present moment, and also very much a part of ancient history. As a public writer, a scholar, and a teacher I want to frame lessons in response to explicit and implicit claims against transgender service people.

Before I do, however, I want to acknowledge that transgender people's relation and participation to the military does not merely exist as a way to spite transphobic complaints. One could and should be able to have a rich, complicated, and historical day (or semester) discussing transgender people in the military without giving transphobes more than a footnote. It might be hard to avoid the draw to address major transphobes, especially those commanders-in-chief, but such trans-positive conversations are possible and important. Reports show that transgender people enroll in the military at twice (x2) the rate of cisgender people. These numbers increase exponentially when they consider all the transgender people who have transitioned after leaving the military. Transgender people currently and historically have a complicated and long relationship to institutions of warfares and service to the nation. Indeed, once one considers the many historical and fictional gender non-conforming and gender variant persons that appear in texts from Disney and Lord of the Rings to Joan of Arc's interrogation, there is material enough to fuel many lessons without directly needing to address the myths and misinformation of transphobes.

Yet teaching often occurs at bleeding edges. And these bleeding edges are often also growing edges. I tell my students that I conservatively spend 60% of my time reading the arguments of people who hate me and my communities; against the remaining time which I get to spend reading about the wonderful things that we actually do and are. In reality that percentage is probably a lot higher. Because lessons are about the information that others need to receive and not about the information I want give, this practice of leaning into the hate is often the most effective at bringing the haters closer to embracing me and my communities. Following that policy, I have thrown together some notes that may be useful for a wide range of audiences on the critiques of cost and class, culture and history in the web of transgender in the military. The goal is to be accessible and adaptable for various readers or teachers. An advanced series of lessons might be given using critical theory, expansive histories, and memoirs that further fill out and complicate these conversations. Indeed, my own scholarship leans into the particular significant nuances of medieval stories, particular those tied to Joan of Arc and Roman de Silence, that are critically important to current transgender studies on issues of military service, nationalism, sexual embodiment, history, and faith. That is where I am going but I do not want to go there alone. Joan of Arc leads by example in showing us that we do not turn the tide of a war on the battle grounds of culture, history, and government in solitude, nor by merely working with those who agree with us, but by working, fighting, and sacrificing alongside those who do not yet understand or approve. The culture and history of transgender in the military time and again teaches many lessons, among them the willingness to serve, defend, and support those who otherwise would not share a church, a nation, or a classroom. Such a willingness may very well better us in our capacities as activists, scholars, and teachers; as it may then affect even more of us in our capacities as citizens and voters.

Example Discussion Questions:

• How does the higher than average number of transgender persons serving in the armed forces compare or contrast with public conceptions of the political alignments of trans populations? What are a few of the social, economic, and historical factors that may contribute to the U.S. military being one of the largest employers of trans persons nationwide?

• How does transitioning after a military career potentially affect relationships between veterans and other service persons? What are a few social, legal, and personal factors that may lead to this historic trend of waiting until after retirement to transition?

• How does the long history of trans persons represented in armed forces (going back to medieval literature and history) widen the conversation about transgender military beyond the immediate concerns of federal bans, American policy, or contemporary politics? What are factors about military service that might be similar and different for trans service persons in the distant past?

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A Lecture on Classism

Responses to Stated Critiques

• Costs: Extraordinary Expenses vs. Low Costs Relative to Overall and Gender-Specific Healthcare Budget Totals
• Cohesion: Prejudice vs. Testimonies on Troop Camaraderie
• Competency: Mental Illness vs. Excellent Records of Service

Costs: The stated critiques around transgender people serving openly in the military open hinge arounds the cost of transition related healthcare. Such critiques tend to claim either concern for ballooning the military budget in general or a personal repulsion at tax money going to help transgender people transition. The former claim is addressed in the critical literature and interviews suggested, where dedicated studies as well as direct professional experience demonstrates that transgender healthcare represents a tiny fraction around (2-4 million) out of the massive healthcare costs of the military (around 50 billion), which is all the more diminutive in relation to the overall military budget (around 600 billion). This is in part related to the relatively small number of transgender service persons and that a great number of these service persons will not elect to undergo surgical procedures which make up the majority of the projected expenses. Furthermore, placing the amount spent on transgender healthcare in comparison to other gender specific expenses (such as the much larger amount spent on erectile disfunction treatment like Viagra) likewise puts these costs in context. In regards to the latter personal concern, the literature likewise addresses how the military covers ordinary and extra-ordinary healthcare costs for all of its service people that is particular to their needs. This includes eye-glasses for those with vision related issues and Viagra for those with erection related issues. For transgender persons, transition related healthcare is deemed necessary and normal by the medical community.

Cohesion: Another area in which the public political concern focuses is on concerns about troop cohesion and culture. The thesis essentially boils down to the projection, "if I, a 'normal' American would have issues working with transgender persons... theoretically ... then the military MUST have issues as well." Based on the reports generated by military leadership, there is no cohesion problem. In this respect, the military seems to know what it can and cannot handle - in respects to troop cohesion - better than the transphobic public; in no small part because of the intentionality given in recent decades to the integration of women, people of color, and LGB service people. This does not mean that every military unit will have a culture that is explicitly pro-LGBTQI politics. What this does mean is that as far as the leadership and independent research has seen, members of the military being LGB or T (transgender) in no way interferes with troop cohesion or effectiveness. In comparison, the military may still be a hard place to be a woman, however being a woman is no longer considered a reason to exclude someone from military service. Addressing this concern, the interviews with current and former transgender military service peoples (as well as their comrades) helps to humanize and contextualize the cohesion already occurring within the armed forces.

Competency: A less popular claim among professional politicians but a more popular claim among the uneducated public is that transgender people are mentally ill and therefore not able-bodied enough to serve. In this respect, not only are the military specific studies helpful but the wide array of medical and legal literature going back for many years that affirm that being transgender is not a mental illness. What educated and specialized experts can explain is that transgender people require gender specific healthcare much in the way other men, women, and intersex people require particular forms of healthcare. The fact that menstruation related healthcare may be needed by some women and not by most men does not make them disordered. The medical community regards transgender persons as part of the natural, normal, and healthy gender diversity of the human species. Some transgender persons may experience gender dysphoria but this can be readily managed by decreasing prejudice against transgender persons and increasing transition related care. Once again, these specific needs for some trans service persons is not considered extra-ordinary nor in any way inhibits their ability to serve. In fact, what medical studies have shown is that transgender troops are healthier and more effective at their jobs when allowed to serve openly as well as receiving the full range of transgender related health care. Once again, interviews with specific service people also demonstrate the many extraordinary accomplishments and success of transgender persons in the military. This replaces the image of transgender persons as disordered with images of trans persons as strong, efficient, and productive members of the armed services.

Example Discussion Questions

• What is the role and responsibility of the military to provide limited or full healthcare to armed service people? Does gender specific healthcare (men, women, trans people, etc.) complicate these responsibilities or not? How should the military respond to partisan political complaints from the public that does not approve of trans healthcare on pro-religious rather pro-military grounds?

• How might a person coming out as transgender improve rather than hinder troop cohesion? How does "bringing all parts of yourself" to military service improve rather than hinder a trans person's capacity to serve? What are non-military or non-transgender comparisons we might draw to similar conflicts around integration?

• How might a transgender service person be trans but not experience dysphoria? How might anti-trans prejudice or transgender bans increase dysphoria? What are the qualities of dysphoria and does it in any way inhibit the performance of duties? How do debates around transgender and mental illness bring latent and overt ableism in the military to the forefront?

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A Discussion of Culture

Responses to Unstated Critiques

• Sexism: Military as Masculine Space vs. History of Women Service People
• Homophobia: Military as Hetero Space vs. History of Queer Service People
• Ableism: Military as Able-bodied vs. History of Extraordinary Health Needs

Sexism: the attacks leveled against transgender service people are in many respects extensions of wars that have been waged against women, queers, crips, people of color, and the poor for decades onto centuries. Approached from a wide-screen historical timeline, transgender exclusion and inclusion in the military may be seen as another wave of the old debate of whether non-men could and should be allowed to serve. In these old assumptions, men were supposed to be cisgender, heterosexual, able-bodied, white and educated (at the level of command and prestige) or usually, mostly, white and poor (at the level of the commanded). Thus the question of transgender inclusion meets with implicit biases that the military is a place for "real men," meaning cis men. But this tradition of manhood has already been under revision as the complaint that gay men are not "real men" is proven wrong. Likewise, cisgender heterosexual women were and are met with the demand that they can be "just one of the guys" as they fight for the right to fight alongside the "real men." In this vein, the Disney musical Mulan, specifically the song, "Be a Man," gets at a cultural assumption about the military and manhood which is suspicious of other genders, including other ways in which one can "be a man." Consider the line, "you are unfit for the rage of war, pack up, go home, you are through, how could I make a man out of you?" Such a lyric rings heavy in the ears of trans service persons today, just as it rings for the great many queer service people dishonorably discharged from the military on account of their sexuality, as it rings for the centuries of women who could and did fight alongside men in war without recognition. The story of Mulan serving in the military at once represents trans men and women, queers with unspeakable truths and desires, and women doing the work without being able to stand up and claim the credit for fear of being told, "pack up, go home, you are through."

Heterosexism: an excessive amount of critique, attention, and ridicule is leveled at transgender persons through sexually loaded rhetoric. As a scholar but also a reader and target of much anti-transgender argumentation, it is not lost on me how much of the language, terminology, images, and metaphors used by transphobic people are drawn directly from pornography. The term "she-male" is a clear example because a simple Google search with demonstrate that the word is almost exclusively used in porn and only secondarily used in transphobic rants. Other terms such as "tranny" or "trap" likewise drawn from heterosexual anxiety around the intentional sexual engagement with trans sex workers or the fear of unaware sexual engagement with trans persons. Yet even the fascination with trans people's genitals in arguments about what makes a "real man" or "real woman" demonstrates how much of "realness" and "manhood/womanhood" is grounded for many heterosexuals in their sexuality. By this logic, being a man means penetrating women with a penis (as opposed to women-with-penises). As stated above, this not only reduces what it means to "be a man" to a sexual act which is otherwise tangential and irrelevant to military service but an act that is specifically heterosexual. Thus one can understand the exclusion of transgender people from the military as homophobia in another form. This is not surprising, as even within the queer community, extremely femme gay men and extremely butch lesbian women (a certain amount of whom later came out as transgender) were repeatedly hidden or excluded as representing the least socially acceptable version of queerness. The narrative that helped lead to open service in the military for gay men and lesbians was presenting cis queer men and women in ways that contradicted the public image of them as sparkly fairies in drag and the butch leather dykes. One sees even in the "positive" images of transgender persons being represented in the media (in an effort to gain social acceptance) a repetition of the formula, trying to show extraordinarily normative and binary trans men and women as otherwise indistinguishable from the very same cisgender heterosexual men and women that gay men and lesbian women were compared to years prior.

Ableism: across the board, one of the worst things a soldier can be called (insofar as it will exclude them from remaining a soldier) is not simply to be called "not a man," but to be not an "able-bodied" man. All service people in the military (even office clerks) are supposed to be able-bodied combatants that could lift a weapon and fight if the occasion arises. Thus, the exclusion of trans people, women, and queers can be understood as extending from the primary claim that they are not as able-bodied as cisgender, heterosexual men. The line "unfit for the rage of war" is itself an invocation of disability, as the lack of ability or fitness for war. Claims and misinformation that transgender people are innately mentally ill are then also claims that they are unfit for military service. These claims are both the easiest to disprove (for audiences that accept years of medical science and evaluation) and also some of the most problematic to answer without conceding disability in the military as essentially undesirable and unfit. If addressed head-on, this tension can be unpacked to show the complicated network of military duties actually and potentially expected of someone in the armed forces. A wheel-chair may make it hard to move from dug-out to dug-out but may not be a problem for someone driving a tank; unless the tank needs to be abandoned; unless... the list of potential possibilities for service and for an inability to serve multiply with every "what if?" What such evaluations show is that a transgender person is effectively able-bodied in regards to all the same grounds as a cisgender person with all the same capacities. What is also shown is the tangled web of expectation and contingency that defines all the ways a person may be considered able or unable to serve in different circumstances. Inevitably and necessarily, this will also address the ways in which the wages of war produce disabled bodies - literally bodies that have been affected by violence so as to be made disabled. Among the most prominent forms of being disabled by the military is mental illness, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The irony then is that the military produces bodies (including minds) that it otherwise would not include if those conditions were derived before and outside military service. 

Example Discussion Questions:

• Are debates about transgender service in the military separate from other debates around cis women and queer women? In what ways is this a continuation of previous feminist movements and in what ways does it introduce particular concerns? How do you respond to claims that gender segregation should be preserved for biological, reproductive, or traditional reasons?

• How might anti-transgender sentiment be misplaced or misunderstood homophobia? Is the anger against trans service persons vengeance for allowing LGB persons to serve or is this a completely different phenomenon of hate? How might LGB persons be adding fuel to the transphobia?

• Should transgender service people completely disassociate themselves from disability identity in order to serve? Should trans service people maintain this association in order to advocate for people with disabilities being allowed to serve? How are advancements in technology and warfare changing what it means to be a soldier in ways that contrast with the demands for bodily capacity during previous trench wars? How inclusive and accessible should the military be? How might being more accessible provide surprising benefits to force effectiveness?

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Recommended Readings

Critical Studies - Regarding Lifting the Original Ban

• A. Belkin, New England Journal of Medicine, “Caring for Our Trans Troops” (2015)
• Schaefer, Iyengar, Kadiyala, Kavanagh, Engel, Williams, and Kress, RAND Corporation, "Assessing the Implications of Allowing Transgender Personnel to Serve Openly" (2016)

Interviews with Transgender Troops - Regarding the New Bans

• The Ellen Show, Youtube, "Ellen Chats with Transgender Military Couple Logan & Laila Ireland" (2017)
• Fox 11 LA, Youtube, "Transgender veteran Shane Ortega discusses Trump's military ban" (2017)

Film Scenes for Close-Reading - Regarding Military Culture

• Disney, Mulan, "Be A Man" (1998)
• New Line Cinema, Lord of the Rings: Two Towers, "Eowyn" (2002)

Pre-modern Texts for Historical Reference 

• Heldris of Cornwall, Roman de Silence, "Sir. Silence"
• Historical Association for Joan of Arc Studies, Primary Sources and Context Concerning Joan of Arc's Male Clothing

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Pressure! 10 Methods of Managing Conference Anxiety

"These are the days that it never rains, but it pours"

Queen & David Bowie, Under Pressure

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Following in the wake of a wonderful and inviting experience of the International Congress on Medieval Studies in Kalamazoo, Michigan, and an array of insightful reflections, I wanted to offer another perspective which is very real for many who attend such conferences: anxiety.

In the following post, I examine ten methods for handling conference anxiety, which are not presented proscriptively, but as descriptions of how I and others have navigated such events. With each, I offer some positive and negative consequences which can crop up from these methods, but do not suggest that one might completely avoid any fall-out or that a simple “middle of the road” approach might be taken to minimize highs and lows.

Likewise I invite anyone to add their own methods of management and their own consequences not listed, as this list hardly captures all experience, or even a single experience, completely. As mentioned, this is more of a personal reflection put into an objectified analysis than an exhausted expert opinion; quite like a peer amateur sharing notes with other peers.

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1. Feeling the Anxiety

This is in no way to cast a negative light on Kalamazoo, hardly, as any such event with various social, mental and physical demands can be anxiety producing. Really, anxiety is often something which we carry with us which needs very little excuse to rise up. While approaching a conference as a stressor, it might well be any similar event, and will be addressed primarily in how it offers the anxious person a variety of ways to manage such crip-ing sensations.

For many, like myself, anxiety-depression is a chronic experience which is not cured but managed. It is still useful to know different triggers and tactics to assuage symptoms. For others, anxiety can still be a frequent enough struggle when situations such as Conferences present stressors which can make otherwise enjoyable events troublesome. In any case, stressors can be positive and negative simultaneously, and will color our lives through the mediums by which we handle them.

• Advantages: Anxiety is a kind of excitement, and although it may feel "bad" many of those who experience it regularly may also find that it comes along indistinguishable from bursts of energy, elation, even joy. Anxiety can get the mind going and focused, feeling an extra sense of dread over a looming event and thus inspire a lot of work to get done very quickly. Many procrastinators count on the boost of anxiety right before a deadline to whip them into shape and allow them to back-load time spent working. Anxiety may even come to feel like a naturalized tension which lets one know they are still alive; like how a sore muscle tells a person that their arm is very much there. Many thrill seekers invite this kind of anxiety and for those with depression-anxiety, feeling tense is often much preferable to feeling melancholy; better moody Mr. Hyde than dreary Dr Jekyll. 

• Disadvantages: For those with a heart-condition, such as myself, while I am young, there is still the pressure to try to relax so that invasive surgery won't be needed later on because of excess strain. Since anxiety can come along with the feeling of excitement, there is a way in which even a happy moment may become a source of dread which can't be taken without worry. As many procrastinators will likely admit, counting on anxiety near a deadline can often be a very painful and exhausting process which is not likely to make one want to soon repeat the procedure. Also, as tests on the effects of caffeine have demonstrated, the burst of anxiety in the brain may motivate what feels like more rapid results, they are often riddled with little mistakes and risky decisions which a more sober mind would have plodded through with less violence. Then there is again the observation that anxiety doesn't often "feel good" and can be a real source of suffering and alienation.

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2. Deflecting with Other Anxieties/Procrastinating

This is a pattern which I have been reminded of several times by a few of my close friends and colleagues as conference time nears or other major projects are coming to an end. Often while my work-load mounts and I am making preparations to set off somewhere, I find a million and one things suddenly coming to my attention. I will complain that I’d be able to enjoy things coming to a head, if only I didn’t have this or that distracting me. Of course, most often, I am letting them distract me or even inviting this distraction. It may be that the things which I raise as stressors at these times ARE truly concerns worth worrying over, but very likely, and once the conference has ended I usually realize, they are just as well handled on their own separately. I hardly need to carry the whole world’s problems on my back all at once. This reveals, along with my friend’s reminders, that this is very much a tactic of my own in dealing with anxiety, and it has certain benefits as well as draw-backs:

• Advantages: Deflection does allow me to see my conference anxiety (or other stressor) in a much a diminished light or else in context. Very often the conference is hardly the biggest concern on my plate, even if it is the task at hand. As a method of management, deflection often lets me approach my stressors obliquely.  By attacking them not-head-on I can be much more measured in my approach and receive more tactical results

• Disadvantages: Very evidently a distraction is a distraction and can divert resources, energy and attention, away from the matter at hand (i.e. the conference) which is often a time sensitive matter. Additionally, having too many distractions or too large ones added on can lead to the feeling of being overwhelmed. For those prone to panic attacks, distractions can start off light and soon becoming overwhelming.

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3. Diving In/Over-Preparing

I have been told by casual observers that they would hardly guess that I feel either anxiety or depression related to things like work or conferences. “Oh, you are so productive, how could you possibly say you are depressed?” Of course for those who experience anxiety or depression, one common tactic of dealing with the stressors is diving into them ruthlessly. GK Chesterton describes madness (for him a purely intellectual, not neurological affair) as being a perfectly logical but narrow circle of thought. I find this visualization useful in describing my work at times of high stress. I worry and so I work, and when my work makes me worry, I work more. The advantages and disadvantages offer themselves immediately:

• Advantages: It does get work done. In this way anxiety is not only a common chronic condition for many academics, it is often a well rewarded one. It encourages extra research to get done, neurotic fact checking (a phrase I intend to be using descriptively), and generally thorough analysis. In conferences this may also take the form of arriving with every minute planned and with an extremely well stocked suit-case.

• Disadvantages: While the difference between “preparing” and “over-preparing” is relatively subjective, or at least individual, there is the sense that one has crossed into over-preparation in the signs of excess. Spending an excess of time, at the expense of other usual routines or joys, working on a paper or a calendar which has already been well finished. Coming to the conference with an over-loaded bag or with a schedule packed too full to be enjoyable are likewise painful consequences. Even the work or the social interactions may feel the strain of being over-worked or too exuberantly attacked. Papers and people generally dislike recklessly fixated attention.

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4. Finding Private Time

On the social spectrum of conference anxiety, the push to network, meet new people and navigate crowds can be not only strong but overwhelming. In response to this, many, myself included, find it necessary to duck out for a while, sleep in, or head in early as means of finding solitude away from the demands to be social. Personally, these retreats are often taken as a last ditch remedy when I have interacted with others beyond my ability to remain mentally or emotionally fresh. The energy required to remain sensitive, engaged, and excited about the many wonderful people I am meeting can have high costs on my nerves, which may be sustained for the first night, but quickly as the hours and days go on can really take its toll so that by the end I have a glazed look in my eyes even when my head and my heart desire to trust forward and remain with the crowds. As such, certain advantages and disadvantages are present in taking various respites into solitude:

• Advantages: Solitude, even artificial solitude such as offered by a book or head-phones, can give the very physical, as well as mental and emotional rest which is needed to keep up marathon socializing. A great meal, especially one with many courses, often comes with breaks and pallet cleansers, and so too do meetings. Coffee breaks may focus around a certain stimulant, but really any relaxation or escape could be built in its place. While numerous conference new-comers will follow the urge to get as much in as possible, many of the more experienced will often suggest not trying to attend every event or panel, but to take time to go for walks, explore alone, or check out the hotel pool/athletic center as ways to make the most of the things which are attended.

• Disadvantages: Solitude has its cost, and logically its cost can be missing out on hearing great conversations or meeting new people. For those who can already feel alone in a crowd, this solitude may only make manifest the feelings already experienced. Many have accounted, and I can attest, going to events or conferences and coming away feeling like staying at home all weekend would have served just as well. There can even be a sense of guilt for not “taking advantage” or “getting the most” out of the conference. These are feelings which can manifest anxiety’s all too often partner in crime: depression. 

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5. Bringing Friends Along

For those who fear solitude or being the awkward wall-flower at conferences more than being overwhelmed with people, bringing friends or attaching to specific conference buddies there can offer a real break from this anxiety. Very often conference become an event which is primarily the chance to travel with friends or colleagues, or else to meet up with others from other institutions or geographic locations which make it hard to see otherwise. This of course is part of the design of many conferences which aim at turning a smattering of independent scholars into a community. And a community itself has its own advantages and disadvantages:

• Advantages: Friends are friends for a reason! The company, the shared interested, the familiarity and affection shared among a group can enhance and strengthen projects from the conference itself to larger works which the conference may only be a part. Then there is the sincere joy which comes with being in the company of friends, especially in specific and memorable events such as those shared at conferences. These common experiences and mind-sets can unexpectedly turn such a meeting into the spark which grows into new projects and introduce new people into the fold. Friendship, writes CS Lewis,  as a type of love or affection, appears inherently inclined to include more into the fold. Two friends are often very glad to be joined by a third, and such communities can grow into starting conferences of their own.

• Disadvantages: There is of course the danger of coming to a conference with too much of a ready made result in hand. Just like over-working can over-determine the outcome of the project, leaving out the element of surprise or distraction, so too can over-determining the social crowd before one arrives at a conference limit the introduction of surprise friendships or excursions. As one might miss out on meeting new persons by going off by one’s self, so too might these meetings be missed by remaining cloistered with one’s own set.  Lewis mentioned that two friends would like a third, but this may not be possible if they leave their backs to the rest or speak only in a language or set of shared experiences which entirely preclude others. There is a sense in which the worry of “well, I could have done this at home” may well be true, if one does not take advantage of the unique offerings of a conference.

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6. Mood Changers (i.e. Alcohol, Coffee, Nicotine, Sleep Deprivation, etc.)

One thing that many who hear when I'm feeling anxious is that there is no need to be, usually followed by some logical reasons for this claim. However, as many with anxiety know, it is very much about chemicals and wiring in the brain. One can usually hardly blame a person for being anxious or tell them that they have no need for being so, because anxiety can come without rational cause; or rather, its cause is not a matter of conscious effects but as the result of genetics, development, chemical imbalances, blood-sugar, physical stress, trauma, etc. As a result chemically altering the state of the mind/brain can work more directly in combating anxiety than many conscious changes to thinking or behavioral patterns alone. Whether its substances, food, sleep, or lack there of there are powers of relaxation, freedom, or lethargy which can be opened up chemically. Of course these methods have their own advantages and disadvantages:

• Advantages: Especially in combination with changes to patterns of thought and behavior patterns, mood changers can enable many activities which anxiety might inhibit or make less enjoyable. Sometimes very little coffee, a shot of scotch, a quick smoke, or a days worth of exhaustion is enough to calm down or control the nerves well enough to make other methods of dealing with anxiety more manageable. Then again, these mood changers may bring with them enjoyable effects of their own, from inebriation, to excitement, to sleepless delirium. Often these activities can be shared with others, making bars and cafes great places to continue to activity of networking at conferences. Many conferences seem to anticipate this and often provide coffee breaks, late night parties, or open-bars as ways to allow people to chemically tone up or down their bodies, so they can relax and have fun.

• Disadvantages: Each mood changer comes with its own dangers and over-consumption. From the head-ache, to the hang-over, to the zombified insomniac there are many apparent disadvantages to mild to intense use of mood changers. One may experience a decrease in anxiety for a time, only to feel the next day increased anxiety either by the affected actions or physical consequences of the night before. Then there is concerns about dependency or addiction. Other issues such as allergies may crop up. Some doctors have noted that such allergies may in fact counter things like alcoholism but likewise inhibit abundant enjoyment of liquors other effects. With these concerns come problems of expense, as going to a bar every night or paying for anxiety pills, etc are often beyond many's ability to afford. Again, I would stress that the effects of specific mood-changers on specific people are usually so individual it can be hard to predict or summarize all the benefits or concerns that may come along.

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7. Working Out

Looking at the physiological effects of anxiety, it replicates fight or flight instincts. The heart rate rises, the brain shuts down and fires up sections which allow for quick assessment of the surroundings and immediate action to be taken with little contemplation, the muscles tense, and there is often the irony taste in the mouth which signals extra adrenaline in the system. As a result, working out or other physical activity is often a logical answer to manage the symptoms of anxiety. Personally, I don't do this enough, in general, but I have found that going swimming at the hotel several times during a conference really does help me clear my head and relax my nerves. Evident in this is the double admission of certain advantages and disadvantages:

• Advantages: By choosing a physical activity, the anxiety can have a temporary object to focus on; from running a certain amount, lifting so much, or swimming for so long. This also has the mental benefit of giving the symptoms of anxiety a new context. Why is my heart rate raised? Is there danger? No, I am just working out. After working out there is also a release of endorphin which are often inhibited in anxiety and depression. The body goes through cycles of relaxation and will help ensure better sleep later, thus allowing there not to be as much energy available to feel anxious.

• Disadvantages: Like many who try to work out more than I actually get to doing it, there are numerous excuses which note real disadvantages to regularly working out, especially at conferences. Working out can take a lot of time, not only to perform but to get ready for and then to shower off from. In an already packed schedule in which events are back to back and you may already be working on little sleep, adding an extra hour or so to work out can be a real strain. Then again, if you are sleeping little and doing a lot during the day, you may have the energy to feel anxious but not enough to will yourself to work out. Other social engagements may likewise interfere with schedules, as it is not always common than friends, especially ones you just met, will want to spend the same amount of time working out as you might. This can conflate many of the solitary-inducing issues raised by other methods of anxiety management. 

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8. Performances

Personally, while giving talks in public can be an overwhelming source of anxiety for many, the podium and the show are familiar theaters because of the scripts and purposes they provide. This need not mean that you are being insincere, but giving talks, bringing with a guitar, asking questions during Q & A, and other performance like exhibitions can be great ways to take advantage of familiar scripts of social interaction and diminish the anxiety by allowing programmed roles to take their course. This of course has its own advantages and disadvantages:

• Advantages: Performances are great ice-breakers. Talks, Q &A's, bringing out a guitar or meeting up at bars/dances can all provide the formula of social interactions until you can break free from them with diminished anxiety. When the guitar has been put down after a couple hours of playing, even though there may not have been a lot of conversation or deviation from pretty scripted interactions between performed, audience and instrument, all may feel a sense of comradeship which allows further conversation to be more relaxed. A lot of information can be likewise given during these scenes: name, profession, interests, anecdotes, home-towns, etc. There may even be the establishment of codes or intentions during this ritualized relationship which can be tapped into later.

•  Disadvantages: Scripts are constricting and may set up boundaries or hierarchies which are difficult to cross. One may find that certain roles are not shaken loose after the formal execution of their duties have been performed. There is also the risk that the persona of the show is not a sincere or an attractive version of the self with which others might wish to interact. This can itself cause further frictions and anxieties. Then there is the stress of performing itself which can take over as the dominant, even overwhelming source of anxiety which covers the whole conference. Then there is the stress involved in being asked to step down from the stage, to cast aside the role, or to interact less formally, and then if there is an insistence on performing, it may make one seem or feel a bit of a show-boat. Over-performing can be a very apparent sign of anxiety, even more than a sign of pride; although this too may be confused. Likewise, anxious performances are often rife with little unintentional elements which may only snow-ball and add to the stress of the situation.

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9. Finding Projects

While performing can be good for a while, it eventually ends, and for me it's the seeming chaos of the off-stage that can be disorienting for me. Much like reading or listening to music, there are ways of finding peace or taking control of an anxiety-producing situation by making the event into a kind of game. Projects such photography or journaling (even blogging!) are great ways to provide a sense of objectivity on an event and with it a feeling of distance that assuages fears that come with personal intimacy. These projects and shows however have certain advantages and disadvantages:

• Advantages: While I enjoy both these activities for their own sake, they are also methods by which I can be present and observe events without feeling too exposed. I can be a fly on the wall. Likewise the sense of having a role to play or a project to work on produces a predictable script which gives a sense of control. Then again after events I now have an interesting reflection to share, an artful set of photographs, or an in depth description in a journal for later reading. There are any number of "wins" or "prizes" as the result of various games or projects which is applied to the conference process, and can range from the generally useful to the very idiosyncratic joy of accomplishing a "dare" or "challenge" one posed to the self, such as meeting X number of people.

• Disadvantages: Socially, treating a conference as a project or a game can be quite off-putting for others. It may be hard to get to know a person who forever has a camera in hand or a journal in hand. It may also make a person feel like they are simply objects kept at a distance for study and not a person to be engaged with. Likewise feeling like the conversation of friendship just formed was the result of some sort of "dare" or "game" can make some feel like there is a lack of sincerity; even if it was genuinely enjoyed. For the "gamer" there is also the challenge that they are hard to keep up and in the long term things may change to quickly or go on too long for them to be effective. Eventually one has enough photos or notes or the challenge couldn't end up being accomplished in the given circumstances. New projects can be begun, of course, but this itself may take work and become a source of even greater anxiety.

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10. Not Feeling the Anxiety/Not Attending Conferences

Simply not attending conferences is the answer for many on how to manage the anxiety they provoke. This may also take the form of limiting the amount of conferences attended to a manageable number. Picking just a few conferences may allow those events, despite the anxiety they produce, to be better enjoyed than attending such a number that you become burnt out from the stress. There are also ways in which a person can chose to only attend part of a conference, such as the first day or so, the last few days, only mornings, only afternoons, etc, and as a result enjoy them just as much as is possible without becoming overwhelmed. There is sense in not pursuing things which are extra difficult for you just because "everyone else does it" or just to prove you can. Feeling like you "must" just because its "hard" is just as much of a trap as feeling like you "can't." Here the advantages and disadvantages are so bound up in the very personal decision of what to do and not to do that it may not need to articulated separately.

I would also like to open up the conversation to anyone who has other ideas that were not mentioned on this very personal and far from exhausted list on ways of managing anxiety. 

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